Sunday, December 27, 2015

Closing down this chapter...

I've decided that blogging about life in medicine isn't something I want to continue doing.  Not because it's not a huge part of my life with interesting and vexing elements to it, but because it is more stressful to think about those things a second time for the sake of sharing.  While some may find it therapeutic to share anecdotes from daily life that were anxiety inducing, scary, stressful, difficult, or harrowing learning experiences, much of medicine for me is now either "the usual," or stuff that just gets me frustrated.

I have participated in National Novel Writing Month during 2012, 2014, and 2015 - this year I finally beat the challenge and wrote 50,000 words in 30 days, despite my many obligations.  The setting was a Martian terraforming colony in a dystopic near-future, in case anyone was wondering.  I bring this up because in 2014, I thought I would try "writing what I know," which meant a comedic satire on life as a doctor, ending up someplace that you didn't think you would end up a la Northern Exposure, gaining insight into a world not many people have.  I found that trying to describe my life and the lives of my fellow residents in prose simply made me feel depressed.  It was much like reliving those experiences and was hardly cathartic or helpful.  It just enhanced my jaded attitude, which is already premature considering my length of practice.  I find it better not to think about it and just do my job the best that I can.

In that regard, I have succeeded.  I am pretty darn good at what I do for my level of experience and training compared to my peers, and will only improve from here.  I will still devote myself to providing the most evidence-based, clinically and personally appropriate care for my patients.  Whenever there is an unanswered question, I will leave no stone unturned and never stop working for them.  My passion for medicine and knowledge has not ceased, but I no longer have any desire to write about it at length for the sake of psychosocial commentary or sharing it with others.  One time is more than enough.

I am now halfway through my third year of residency.  I am poised to easily pass my boards come April, according to our yearly assessment test.  I still have a few residency hoops to jump through, but then I will be leaving and moving on to bigger and better things.  I find I prefer in my spare time after long days in the hospital or at the clinic, provided I don't have extra stuff to read up on at home, to ruminate on fantastical things and fictional worlds, or enhance other skills such as languages, musical instruments, art, knowledge of the natural world, etc.  I have enough medicine in my life, so blogging about it feels superfluous.  Time to tie up this final loose end here.  If there are any who follow this who are curious about the non-medical side of my life, though medical stuff does pop up from time to time there as well, you can switch over to my other rarely updated blog Embracing Obsession.  With that, adieu.

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